Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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