Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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