Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
