Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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