My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
