Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
