There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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