Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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