TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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