Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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