it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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