Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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