the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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