It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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