Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He did a backflip because drugs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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