my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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