If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
