he thought i was a dude.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
