Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
