I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
