happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
