Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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