If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
