Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
