She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
