They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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