Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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