I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
