I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
