shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
