also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
