i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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