there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
false alarm, still single
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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