Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
