Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize