so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize