sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
