then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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