it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My feet surprised me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
