I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize