dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
