I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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