I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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