Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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