Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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