i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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