is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
