Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
