she woke up with a sticky ear
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
