She said her name was "party"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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