Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
