my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
