Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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