My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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