I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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