Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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