This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
