Little spoons don't ask big questions
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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