My sheets look like a crime scene.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
