I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
