the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
