You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
