She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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