So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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