The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
