so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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