I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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