There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
two words...techno handjob
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
