i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
