So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
