Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
