I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
