i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize