Nicole vs. Life
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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