I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
