Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
