do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
