Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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