My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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