I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
