you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize