according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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