She is in my trunk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
