so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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