Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
