at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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