thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
