just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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