My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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