Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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