Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You left your phone here
Wait...
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